8 minutes
Many of us have heard of mindfulness. It is what many psychologists would bring into sessions, and rightly so, as plenty of scientific research has been completed on it, all with very positive results about the practice and its benefits.
I have found throughout my practice that there is still a lack of understanding about mindfulness. Many confuse it with meditation, feel it is a bit ‘airy fairy’ or think it is just about breathing techniques. This article will help you better understand the deeper meaning behind mindfulness and how it can empower you.
I like to explain mindfulness as the practice of being aware and present in the current moment without judgment. Now, that is a simplified explanation and I will go into more detail but to understand this better, let us set the scene with a hypothetical scenario that we will work on throughout the article.
A disclaimer: We are going to use the below example of an emotional reaction and how mindfulness can help in that situation. However, mindfulness is not just for managing an emotional reaction, it can be for many other things such as regrets, negative thoughts, traumatic images, chronic pain and so much more. For now, let’s just keep it simple.
Hypothetical Scenario: Something that commonly happens in any relationship is a ‘disagreement’ which feels more like an argument. Someone said something to you that triggered a chain response of frustration, irritation, anger, disbelief, shock etc.
This could lead to you feeling attacked, and in response you may retaliate with an insult, sarcasm or criticism. You might also become defensive which some people consequently shut down, bring up a defensive wall or just escape the ‘disagreement’.
We know such a reaction will solve nothing and can make things worse, however, many of us have and still do react to an argument in a similar way.
What is happening here is that we are fused to the emotions of the situation. The feeling of being attacked (whether truly being attacked or just perceiving it) is an uncomfortable one and we react with attacking back or defensiveness, whichever one we have learnt growing up that has worked best for us. This is our reaction on autopilot.
What we should aim to do in such a situation is to be aware of our feelings and separate ourselves from these feelings. At the point of the argument happening, it would be ideal to notice the anger or defensive emotion creeping up on us, what made us feel that way, and then to detach from the emotion and choose a productive response.
Note that this does not mean we are ignoring the anger or negative emotions that have come up, or that we are ‘giving in’ or admitting defeat. We need to acknowledge these too and make room for these emotions because they are real and they exist, but we want to be rational with our response and choose the most helpful option.
So where does mindfulness come into all of this? As I explained, it is the awareness and being present in the current moment without judgment.
In a typical mindfulness practice, we take the time to learn to isolate our attention on one thing, being ‘mindful’ of the current sensations. It often starts with some deep breathing and then noticing our breathing through the sensations of our stomach rising and falling, or the sensation of air through your nostrils, and then it can move to the awareness within your feet, legs, tastebuds, sounds you hear, etc. We are then taught to notice our thoughts that appear and gently move away from them and refocus on the sensations.
That practice of focusing on one sensation is like training you to notice your emotions, such as anger. By noticing the sensation of anger we can view it from a third-party perspective and then distance ourselves from it, noticing the anger, what caused it and our physiological response to it.
Through mindfulness we also practice to avoid labeling things, as once we label something, we attach an emotion to it, and when it’s a negative emotion, we can get carried away by it. E.g. We label the disagreement as an argument or an attack on us, and then we react to that label.
But through mindfulness we practice noticing judgements and labels, i.e. the person who is disagreeing is only putting their views forward from their own limited knowledge and perspective. Their perspective may not coexist with yours and due to this, it is causing friction because both parties wish to be understood and acknowledged.
When we become aware of our anger sensations, notice and avoid labels and judgements, we are then able to choose the most helpful options to move forward.
As you can now see, the process of mindfulness is quite complex and the practice is easier said than done. In fact, practicing to live mindfully is not natural to us and it takes dedicated effort. Much like a bodybuilder needs to use the gym, isolates muscles during workouts and dedicate themselves on a regular basis, our brain needs to do this in the same way with mindfulness.
Continuous practice will strengthen our ability to be mindful. This works through the process of neuroplasticity.
This video is a 2-minute clip that explains it very simply.
The good news is that it becomes easier with practice and can become second nature. The goal is to repeat the skills over and over again, and then apply them to the situations you might find yourself in.
At first, we might react to our emotions, but with enough repetition of mindfulness it will become easier to notice your emotions, observe them, distance yourself from them, and then decide on helpful responses.
It’s worth noting that practicing mindfulness and understanding the theory around it can be daunting and challenging at first. It will take many attempts and you may feel lost in the process.
With my clients I try to take a few sessions to explain the process and different types of mindfulness. We then practice a short version and we explore how it felt and what barriers came up for the client. I would then encourage my clients to scout the internet or Apps for a mindfulness practice that they most align to, and we would bring that into our session a few times.
To start your journey on practicing mindfulness it’s always a good idea to find a video or format that works for you. Make sure you like the voice, the length, the style of mindfulness etc as there are many out there and everyone has their own preferences.
I personally like the ones from the Headspace app https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app, and here’s a nice and easy 5 minute breathing mindfulness via youtube: Five Minute Mindful Breathing
In summary, the process of learning mindfulness is complex but with practice it is highly beneficial and versatile.
It involves being present in the current moment without judgment.
By noticing sensations and feelings, taking a step back from them and being mindful of the thoughts and judgements surrounding them, you will gain more control of the situation at hand and make better choices with your emotions.
I like to remind my clients that a helpful response is far more beneficial than an impulsive reaction.
If you found this article interesting, I also recommend to my clients to watch Dr.Shapiro’s 15-minute TED talk on her own experiences with mindfulness.The Power of Mindfulness: What You Practice Grows Stronger | Shauna Shapiro | TEDxWashingtonSquare